Repeat the choices over and over again. Don’t get angry.
Stick to your guns, and your brain will remain refreshingly full.
Most kids will get frustrated with this after three or four tries,
thinking, How quickly can I get out of this crazy situation? Out
loud they will say, “I know. Don’t say it again.”Choose Your Choices Carefully
Many well-meaning parents who offer choices to their children err in
their delivery of those choices. Often they offer their children two
choices — one the adults can live with, and one the adults cannot live
with. For example, back in our Burger King example, had Aidan’s dad
said, “You either eat that or you stay here,” Aidan probably would have
decided to hang around until the place closed for the evening. Kids have a
way of finding the jugular in any conflict.
Be mindful that it is easy to turn the choices into threats that tell the
youngster, “Choose my way or else.” When we say to our child, “You can
either clean your room or lose your right to watch television,” it is no
different from our boss saying to us, “Would you rather do that report
today or get fired?” We must offer real choices, not threats:
• “Would you rather clean your room this morning or this
afternoon?” (If the child says, “Neither,” wise parents say, “Not
a wise decision. I’ll get back to you on this.” Consequences
need not be immediate.)
• “Would you rather pick up your toys or hire me to do it?”
• “Do you want to spend your allowance on fun things this
week or pay someone to do your chores?”
• “Do you guys want to settle the problem yourselves or draw
straws to see who sits by the car window?”Nonthreatening choices, offered in a calm manner, give children a
chance to take some control over their problems.