an hour how much you love her, how much Dad and the dog love her,
and so on.
You have just been had by Tactic 4, martyrdom. You are
squirming and uncomfortable, and your child is making you pay for
your parenting sins. Always remember this: unless you are a grossly
neglectful or abusive parent, your kids know that you love them. By
all means tell them that you love them, but never tell them that when
they’re pulling Tactic 4 on you.
How to Manage Testing and Manipulation
Now let’s say you’re getting into the spirit of 1-2-3 Magic and you’re
toughening up some. Your ten-year-old son wants to go to a friend’s
house at nine on a school night. You deny his request and tell him it’s
too late. The following scene occurs:
“Why not? Come on, just this once!” (Badgering)
“Can’t do it.”
“I never get anything.” (Martyrdom, badgering)
“I don’t think you’re too underprivileged.”
“I’ll clean the garage tomorrow.” (Butter up, badgering)
“The garage is OK the way it is. I just cleaned it.”
“This stinks—I HATE YOUR GUTS!” (Intimidation, badgering)
“Sorry.”
The child throws a book on the floor. (Physical tactic)
“Watch your step, pal.”
“Please, PLEASE! Oh, come on, it’s not so late.” (Badgering)
“No way. Not tonight.”
“If you don’t let me, I’m running away!” (Threat, badgering)
This interaction may be aggravating, but in a way it’s good! Why?
Because something constructive is happening. The child is fishing
around, switching tactics and probing for your weak spot. But he can’t