excellent way to begin any lengthy, serious conversation, and being
respectfully listened to is a great self-esteem builder for kids.
How Do You Do Sympathetic Listening?
There are several steps to sympathetic listening. First, you have to get
yourself in the proper frame of mind: “I’m going to hear this kid out
—even if it kills me—and find out exactly what he thinks.” Then
several different approaches can be used, and once you get used to
them, the whole process should feel very natural. Your listening
strategies include openers, nonjudgmental questions, reflecting
feelings, and checks or summaries.
Openers
You can start with what are called “openers”—brief comments or
questions designed to elicit further information from your child.
These comments often require self-control and are especially difficult
when you are caught off guard. Openers may also appear incredibly
passive to you, but remember that parental listening must precede any
problem-solving discussion. If discipline or other action is necessary,
worry about that after you’ve gotten the facts.
Openers can be very simple, such as “Oh?” “Wow!” “Yeah” or
“What?” An opener can be anything that communicates that you are
ready and willing to listen sympathetically, including nonverbal
behavior, such as sitting down next to the child or putting down the
paper to look at him. In the example, Mom’s opener was “Tell me
what happened.”
Nonjudgmental Questions
After openers, questions are often necessary to further your
understanding of what a child is talking about. To be effective, these