226 CRUCIAL CONVERSATIONSwould like. Anned with smart timing and material support,
you're far more likely to step up to tough problems effectively.
Build in Cues
To remind yourself to use your new skills, create helpful cues.
Mark hot spots. People who go through stress-reduction train
ing learn to mark physical items that are closely linked to their
sources of tension. People who freak out in traffic put a small red
circle on their steering wheel. Individuals who are constantly in
a rush put one on their watch.
When it comes to the tough conversations you face, you might
want to make use of small visual cues as well. Place one on the
computer that spits out results that drive you nuts. Build a cue
into your copy of the agenda of any meeting that typically serves
up tough problems.
Set aside a time. Perhaps the best way to remind yourself to
use your new skills is to set aside a time each day to walk around
in search of both successes and problems. When you see a suc
cess, celebrate. When you encounter a problem, bring your best
dialogue tools into play.
Read reactions. If you're not doing a good job of holding cru
cial conversations, the results are going to be right in front of
you. If you see that you're getting off track, back up and start
over. Use real-life cues (e.g., the other person's jaw tenses, he or
she clams up, etc.) to remind yourself that maybe it's time to try
a new tactic. If necessary, apologize. Move to an earlier place in
the discussion and follow the process.
Build in permanent reminders. Order a poster of the model,
place it on the wall, and look at it each morning as you start the day.
Carry a reminder. Along with the poster, order a set of cue
cards you can tuck into your purse or shirt pocket.