towalkoneggshells,butmendoalso.Itissoingrainedinmenthattheydon'tevenrealizehowmuchthey
doit.
Ratherthanarguing,somecoupleswillsimplystoptalkingabouttheirdisagreements.Theirwayoftrying
togetwhattheywantistopunishtheirpartnerbywithholdinglove.They donotcomeoutanddirectly
hurttheirpartners,likethefighters.Insteadtheyindirectlyhurtthembyslowlydeprivingthemofthelove
theydeserve.Bywithholdingloveourpartnersaresuretohavelesstogiveus.
TTTThhhheeeesssshhhhoooorrrrtttt----tttteeeerrrrmmmmggggaaaaiiiinnnniiiissssppppeeeeaaaacccceeee aaaannnnddddhhhhaaaarrrrmmmmoooonnnnyyyy,,,, bbbbuuuuttttiiiiffff iiiissssssssuuuueeeessss aaaarrrreeee nnnnoooottttbbbbeeeeiiiinnnngggg ttttaaaallllkkkkeeeeddddaaaabbbboooouuuuttttaaaannnndddd
ffffeeeeeeeelllliiiinnnnggggssssaaaarrrreeeennnnoooottttbbbbeeeeiiiinnnngggghhhheeeeaaaarrrrddddtttthhhheeeennnnrrrreeeesssseeeennnnttttmmmmeeeerrrriiiittttsssswwwwiiiillllllllbbbbuuuuiiiilllldddd....IIIInnnntttthhhheeeelllloooonnnnggggrrrruuuunnnn,,,,tttthhhheeeeyyyylllloooosssseeeettttoooouuuucccchhhhwwwwiiiitttthhhh
tttthhhheeeeppppaaaassssssssiiiioooonnnnaaaatttteeeeaaaannnnddddlllloooovvvviiiinnnnggggffffeeeeeeeelllliiiinnnnggggsssstttthhhhaaaattttddddrrrreeeewwwwtttthhhheeeemmmmttttooooggggeeeetttthhhheeeerrrr.... They generally use overworking,
overeating,orotheraddictionsasawaytonumbtheirunresolvedpainfulfeelings.
3 .Fake.ThisstancecomesfromVenus.Toavoidbeinghurtinaconfrontationthispersonpretendsthat
thereis noproblem. Sheputsa smileon herfaceand appears to beveryagreeableand happy with
everything. Over time,however,thesewomenbecomeincreasingly resentful;theyarealways giving to
theirpartnerbuttheydonotgetwhattheyneedinreturn.Thisresentmentblocksthenaturalexpression
oflove.
Theyareafraidtobehonestabouttheirfeelings,sotheytrytomakeeverything"allright,OK,andfine."
Mencommonlyusethesephrases,butforthemtheymeansomethingcompletelydifferent.Hemeans"Itis
OKbecauseIamdealingwithitalone"or"It'sallrightbecauseIknowwhattodo"or"It'sfinebecauseI
amhandlingit,andIdon'tneedanyhelp."Unlikeaman,whenawomanusesthesephrasesitmaybea
signthatsheistryingtoavoidaconflictorargument.
Toavoidmakingwaves,awomanmayevenfoolherselfandbelievethateverythingisOK,fine,andall
rightwhenitreallyisn't.Shesacrificesordeniesherwants,feelings,andneedstoavoidthepossibilityof
conflict.
4 .Fold.ThisstancealsocomesfromVenus. Ratherthanarguethispersongivesin, theywilltakethe
blameandassumeresponsibilityforwhateverisupsettingtheirpartner.Intheshortruntheycreatewhat
lookslikeaverylovingandsupportiverelationship,buttheyenduplosingthemselves.
Amanoncecomplainedtomeabouthiswife.Hesaid,"Ilovehersomuch.ShegivesmeeverythingI
want.Myonly complaintissheisnothappy." Hiswifehadspenttwenty yearsdenyingherselfforher
husband.Theyneverfought,andifyouaskedheraboutherrelationshipshewouldsay"Wehaveagreat
relationship.Myhusbandissoloving.Ouronlyproblemisme.IamdepressedandIdon'tknowwhy."She
isdepressedbecauseshehasdeniedherselfbybeingagreeablefortwentyyears.
Topleasetheirpartnersthesepeopleintuitivelysensetheirpartners'desiresandthenmoldthemselvesin
ordertoplease.Eventuallytheyresenthavingtogiveupthemselvesforlove.