woman'sapproval?Becausenotgettingwhattheyneedhurts.
Oneofthereasonsrelationshipsaresosuccessfulinthebeginningisthatamanisstillinawoman'sgood
graces.Heisstillherknightinshiningarmor.Hereceivestheblessingsofherapprovaland,asaresult,
rideshigh.Butassoonashebeginstodisappointher,hefallsfromgrace.Helosesherapproval.Allofa
suddenheiscastoutintothedoghouse.
Amancandealwithawoman'sdisappointment,butwhenitisexpressedwithdisapprovalorrejectionhe
feelswoundedbyher.Womencommonlyinterrogateamanabouthisbehaviorwithadisapprovingtone.
Theydothisbecausetheythinkitwillteachhimalesson.Itdoesnot.Itonlycreatesfearandresentment.
Andgraduallyhebecomeslessandlessmotivated.
Toapproveofamanistoseethegoodreasonsbehindwhathedoes.Evenwhenheisirresponsibleor
lazy or disrespectful, if sheloveshim, awoman can findand recognize thegoodness within him. To
approveistofindthelovingintentionorthegoodnessbehindtheoutsidebehavior.
Totreatamanasifhehasnogoodreasonforwhathedoesistowithholdtheapprovalshesofreelygave
inthebeginningoftherelationship. Awomanneedstorememberthatshecanstillgiveapprovaleven
whenshedisagrees.
Onecriticalpairofproblemsfromwhichargumentsarise:
I.Themanfeelsthatthewomandisapprovesofhispointofview.
2 .Orthewomandisapprovesofthewaythemanistalkingtoher.
When He Needs Her Approval Most
Mostargumentsoccurnotbecausetwopeopledisagreebutbecauseeitherthemanfeelsthatthewoman
disapprovesofhispointofvieworthewomandisapprovesofthewayheistalkingtoher.Sheoftenmay
disapproveofhimbecauseheisnotvalidatingherpointofvieworspeakingtoherinacaringway.When
menandwomenlearntoapproveandvalidate,theydon'thavetoargue.Theycandiscussandnegotiate
differences.
Whenamanmakesamistakeorforgetstodoanerrandorfulfillsomeresponsibility,awomandoesn't
realizehowsensitivehefeels.Thisiswhenheneedsherlovethemost.Towithdrawherapprovalatthis
pointcauseshimextremepain.Shemaynotevenrealizesheisdoingit.Shemaythinksheisjustfeeling
disappointed,buthefeelsherdisapproval.
Oneofthewayswomenunknowinglycommunicatedisapprovalisin theireyesandtoneofvoice.The
wordsshechoosesmaybeloving,butherlookorthetoneofhervoicecanwoundaman.Hisdefensive
reactionistomakeherfeelwrong.Heinvalidatesherandjustifieshimself.