understanding.
GIVINGSUPPORTATDIFFICULTTIMES.......................................................................................
Anyrelationshiphasdifficulttimes.Theymayoccurforavarietyofreasons,likelossofajob,death,illness,
orjustnotenoughrest.Atthesedifficulttimesthemostimportantthingistotrytocommunicatewitha
loving,validating,andapprovingattitude.Inadditionweneedtoacceptandunderstandthatweandour
partnerswillnotalwaysbeperfect. By learningsuccessfully tocommunicatein responsetothesmaller
upsetsinarelationshipitbecomeseasiertodealwiththebiggerchallengeswhentheysuddenlyappear.
In eachoftheabove examplesI haveplaced thewoman in theroleofbeingupsetwiththeman for
somethinghedidordidn'tdo.Certainlymencanalsobeupsetwithwomen,andanyofmysuggestions
listedaboveapplyequallytobothsexes.Ifyouareinarelationship,askingyourpartnerhowheorshe
wouldrespondtothesuggestionslistedaboveisausefulexercise.
Takesometimewhenyouarenotupsetwithyourpartnertodiscoverwhatwordsworkbestforthemand
sharewhatworksbestforyou.Adoptingafew"prearrangedagreed-uponstatements"canbeimmensely
helpfultoneutralizetensionwhenconflictarises.
Also,rememberthatnomatterhowcorrectyourchoiceofwords,thefeelingbehindyourwordscounts
most. Even if you wereto use the exact phrases listed above, if your partner didn't feelyour love,
validation, andapprovalthetensionwouldcontinueto increase. AsImentionedbefore,sometimesthe
bestsolutionforavoidingconflictistoseeitcomingandlielowforawhile.Takeatime-outtocenter
yourselfsothatyoucanthencometogetheragainwithgreaterunderstanding,acceptance,validation,and
approval.
Makingsomeofthesechangesmayatfirstfeelawkwardorevenmanipulative.Manypeoplehavetheidea
thatlovemeans"sayingitlikeitis."Thisoverlydirectapproach,however,doesnottakeintoaccountthe
listener'sfeelings.Onecanstillbehonestanddirectaboutfeelingsbutexpresstheminawaythatdoesn't
offendorhurt.Bypracticingsomeofthesuggestionslistedabove,youwillbestretchingandexercising
yourability to communicate in amorecaring and trustingmanner.Aftera whileitwill becomemore
automatic.
If you are presently in a relationship and your partner is attempting to apply some of the above
suggestions,keepinmindthattheyaretryingtobemoresupportive.Atfirsttheirexpressionsmayseem
notonlyunnaturalbutinsincere.Itisnotpossibletochangealifetimeofconditioninginafewweeks.Be
carefultoappreciatetheireverystep;otherwisetheymayquicklygiveup.