expressingthemoutloudhelpshertotapintoherintuition.Thisprocessisperfectlynormalandespecially
necessarysometimes.
Butmenprocessinformationverydifferently.Beforetheytalkorrespond,theyfirstsilently"mullover"or
thinkaboutwhattheyhaveheardorexperienced.Internallyandsilentlytheyfigureoutthemostcorrector
usefulresponse.Theyfirstformulateitinsideandthenexpressit.Thisprocesscouldtakefromminutesto
hours.Andtomakemattersevenmoreconfusingforwomen,ifhedoesnothaveenoughinformationto
processananswer,amanmaynotrespondatall.
Womenneedtounderstandthatwhenheissilent,heissaying"Idon'tknowwhattosayyet,butIam
thinkingaboutit."Insteadwhattheyhearis"IamnotrespondingtoyoubecauseIdon'tcareaboutyou
and I am going to ignore you. Whatyou havesaid to me is notimportantand therefore I am not
responding."
How She Reacts to His Silence
Womenmisinterpretaman'ssilence.Dependingonhowsheisfeelingthatdayshemaybegintoimagine
theveryworst_-"Hehatesme,hedoesn'tloveme,heisleavingmeforever."Thismaythentriggerher
deepestfear,whichis"IamafraidthatifherejectsmethenIwillneverbeloved.Idon'tdeservetobe
loved."
Whenamanissilentitiseasyforawomantoimaginetheworstbecausetheonlytimesawomanwould
besilentarewhenwhatshehadto say wouldbehurtfulorwhen shedidn'twanttotalk to aperson
becauseshedidn'ttrusthim anymoreandwantedtohavenothingtodowithhim.Nowonderwomen
becomeinsecurewhenamansuddenlybecomesquiet!
Whenawomanlistenstoanotherwoman,shewillcontinuetoreassurethespeakerthatsheislistening
andthatshecares.Instinctivelywhenthespeakerpausesthefemalelistenerwillreassurethespeakerby
makingreassuringresponseslike"oh,uh_huh,hmmm,ah,ah_ha,orhumph."
Withoutthesereassuringresponses,aman'ssilencecan beverythreatening.Throughunderstandinga
man'scave,womencanlearntointerpretaman'ssilencecorrectly,andtorespondtoit.
Understanding the Cove
Womenhavealottolearnaboutmenbeforetheirrelationshipscanbereallyfulfilling.Theyneedtolearn
thatwhenamanisupsetorstressedhewillautomaticallystoptalkingandgotohis"cave"toworkthings
out.Theyneedtolearnthatnooneisallowedinthatcave,noteventheman'sbestfriends.Thiswasthe
wayitwasonMars.Womenshouldnotbecomescared thatthey havedonesomethingterribly wrong.
Theyneedgraduallytolearnthatifyoujustletmengointotheircaves,afterawhiletheywillcomeout