If a woman enters a room with thirty men
and one man turns her on like a blowtorch,
she should run the other way.This phenomenon helps explain why therapists commonly
hear this comment from single women: “Whenever I’m pas-
sionately turned on to a man right away, he turns out to be the
wrong one. Why do I keep picking the wrong kind of men?”
These women would do well to experiment with having a
relationship with a man who doesn’t turn them on right away
to see if in time the passion grows. Katherine, a forty-six-year-
old single businesswoman, was amazed to hear this. All her
life, she had rejected men who didn’t turn her on right away.
Many men had approached her, but if she didn’t feel something
physical right away, she wasn’t interested. This understanding
helped her realize why she had not found her soul mate.
WHEN A WOMAN OPENS HER HEART
After a woman begins to feel all three levels of chemistry—men-
tal, emotional, and then physical—her heart begins to open to
a man. Now she can truly experience how much love she has
for this man. As they move through the fourth stage of dating
and intimacy and she continues to feel an unconditional love
for him, then he becomes even more special. All four levels of
chemistry grow together until her heart fully opens and she
can realize that he is the one for her.
A man should not be discouraged if a woman is not imme-
diately interested in a physical way. A man needs to remember
that a woman is like an oven that slowly warms up. If she just
wants to be friends at first, it doesn’t mean that he
162 / JOHN GRAY, PH.D.