heart opens. Just as at level one he finds many women physic-
ally attractive, at level four he finds many women lovable as
well.
To various degrees, he could fall in love with any of these
women, but only one is the perfect soul mate for him. His love
recognizes that this person, though imperfect, is perfect for
him. His love allows him to see the good in his partner and
motivates him to be supportive. As his love grows, he is able
to discern whether this is the right person for him. This decision
is not based on a list of conditions. The mind doesn’t figure it
out. The soul just knows.
Soul attraction is not based on recognizing and finding a list
of special qualities and characteristics present in your partner.
Instead, it is the recognition that you have what that person
needs for his or her soul to grow and your partner has what
you need. It is knowing that this is the person you are here to
grow in love with, that this is the person you are here to share
your heart and learn the lessons of life with. One way of saying
it is, “I don’t know why, but somehow we are supposed to be
together. In my most clear and loving moments, this is what I
know to be true.”
To feel a soul connection with someone, our hearts must be
open. To fall in love with someone is an indication that we feel
someone could possibly be the one for us. It doesn’t mean this
is the one, but this could possibly be the one. At that point, it
is up to us to move together through the five stages of dating
until it becomes clear to us that this person is right or not right.
LEVEL ONE FOR WOMEN: MENTAL CHEMISTRY
Women also move through these four levels but, as we have
already discussed, in a different order. Women are first
168 / JOHN GRAY, PH.D.