her planet is to listen and wait to be asked. To interrupt just
doesn’t feel natural to a woman, because it isn’t natural. But
it’s like learning anything new. At first it is awkward to speak
a new language, throw a ball, roller-skate, drive a car, type, or
ski. In the beginning it seems unnatural or difficult, but after
a little practice it becomes not only automatic but second
nature. Although it is not really natural, it can become our
second nature and seem natural. With some instruction, this
process can be much easier. These are some tips for interrupting
gracefully.
- Don’t Say, “Can I Say Something?”
It makes you appear out of sync and insecure and breaks
the flow of conversation. A man expects a woman to just join
in a conversation. He mistakenly assumes that if she is not
talking, she has nothing to say. In a similar fashion, she as-
sumes that if he is not asking for her point of view, then he is
not interested.
The secret for interrupting is to do it assuming that he wants
to hear what you have to say. This assumption is generally
true, and even if he wasn’t interested, it gives him the oppor-
tunity to become interested. When men have conversations,
they don’t spend time thinking how to invite the other men
into the conversation. The very fact that they are talking to
another man is evidence that the other is invited to speak
whenever he likes or whenever there is a pause.
Instead of asking permission to join a conversation, a woman
ideally can just start in with a phrase like “That reminds me
of a time when I...,” or simply a phrase like “I think...” or “I
like...,” and then take her turn. These simple statements work
particularly well. The less words the better. Just join in.
226 / JOHN GRAY, PH.D.