If she asks, “How do you feel about me?” answer briefly, “I
like you very much.” Then ask her, “How do you feel about
me?” and then listen.
If she asks, “Is there someone else?” then say briefly, “Well,
like I said, I am unsure right now.” Then ask her, “Is there
someone other than me?” and then listen.
If she asks, “Did I do something wrong or upsetting to you?”
answer briefly, “I am not sure.” Then ask her, “Have I done
something to upset you?” and then listen.
If she asks, “Is there a problem that I don’t know about?”
answer briefly, “I am not sure.” Then ask her, “Is there a
problem that I don’t know about?” and then listen.
Remember, when you are in the second stage, you just don’t
realize it is a time to think things over. Get different experi-
ences. Don’t burn any bridges or attempt to build any. It is a
time for a man to back away as much as he feels the need to
before deciding if he wants to move forward to the third stage,
exclusivity, or back to stage one, following his attractions.
- Not Right for Each Other
“I think it’s clear we are not right for each other, but I wanted
to call and at least say thanks and wish you happiness.”
In the first two stages, both men and women must feel free
to experiment and move on. Until you are in an exclusive rela-
tionship, it is not appropriate to have any expectations that a
person should continue in a relationship. If a man or woman
does have these kind of expectations, it is generally a major
turnoff.
Dating in stages one and two is a time to experiment. One
is not under any obligations at all. There is no guilt in wanting
to move on. Sometimes the easiest way is just to say, “I don’t
think we are right for each other,” and move on.
250 / JOHN GRAY, PH.D.