women who have men wrapped around their fingers. They
wonder how the special woman does it: That man will do
anything she wants.
These special women always exude an air of grace and trust.
They are self-assured. They respect themselves and assume
others will respect them. A self-assured woman trusts that
others care and that they want to support her. She does not
feel alone. She feels supported by friends and family and by
men. In her mind, almost all men are likable until proven oth-
erwise.
When she is not respected, she doesn’t take it so personally,
but moves on. She realizes that she still deserves what she
needs and gracefully tries another approach to get it. If that
fails, she quickly looks elsewhere for support. She doesn’t ex-
pect perfection and is open to finding new ways of getting
more of what she wants.
Some women are naturally self-assured. They are born with
this attitude, just as some singers are born with an incredible
voice. For most, this attitude needs to be developed and cultiv-
ated. It is already inside a woman; it just needs the opportunity
to come out and be exercised. By becoming aware of how it
looks and feels, a woman can begin to find it and give expres-
sion to this part of herself.
Self-assurance is an attitude that assumes you will always
get what you need and that at this moment you are in the
process of getting it. It is different from confidence. Confidence
assumes that you can do what you set out to do, even if you
have to do it all by yourself without any help. Self-assurance
assumes that others are available and want to help and you
don’t have to do it all by yourself. When a woman is too con-
fident and independent, it is sometimes a sign that she is not
assured at all that others are there for her, and so she has to
do it all herself. With this new awareness,
274 / JOHN GRAY, PH.D.