on is the message that he could be the one to make a woman
happy. As long as he is making progress, he is happy. When
a woman is self-assured that she will get what she wants, then
that is the perfect complement to the man who wants to suc-
ceed in a relationship.
Not only does her attitude of self-assurance make her more
attractive, but it sustains his interest in her. Most women don’t
realize that it is not so much what men get now that keeps
them interested, but the possibility of what they will eventually
get. When a woman is self-assured she fuels a man’s confidence
and his anticipation of success.
It is not so much what men get now that
keeps them interested but the possibility
of what they will eventually get.Without this understanding of our differences, a woman
mistakenly assumes that she must in some way earn a man’s
affections. Instead of being self-assured that she is already
worthy of what he gives, she begins to feel an urge to please
him and win his love. Whenever a woman tries to win a Mar-
tian’s love, she will lose. It is for him to win her love and for
her to give him the opportunity. This understanding of Martian
temperament in itself frees women to be more self-assured.
A woman mistakenly assumes that when she is pleasing to
a man, eager to satisfy his needs first, he will then be more
motivated to please her. This woman may have an air of con-
fidence because she knows she can please him, but it is not
self-assurance. Trying to please a man will never earn his
lasting affections. The opposite is true. When a man succeeds
in pleasing a woman, then and only then is he more motivated
to please her.
276 / JOHN GRAY, PH.D.