come up with other options, just the act of trying to come up
with something before asking her will make a big difference.
After thinking for a while he could even say, “I’ve been
thinking about what to do and I really don’t know. What do
you think?” After listening to her, instead of just saying okay,
he should think about what she suggests to see if he could
improve it and then conclude, “Okay, let’s do this...” Like the
quarterback on a football team or the director at a camp, he
then sets the game plan. This explains why women love quar-
terbacks and camp directors.
Applying Mars/Venus Dating SkillsWhen a woman is disappointed or displeased with a man,
or if some element of his plan unravels, he can easily become
overly defensive. When she doesn’t like his plan, he feels that
she doesn’t like him. When he is confident that he has what it
takes to make a woman happy, then he doesn’t get defensive
or upset with her when she is disappointed. Instead he applies
his Mars/Venus dating skills and then changes his plan.
With an understanding of women he can learn to listen
without trying to solve the problem. As he listens without
trying to help her see the situation differently, she gets a chance
to feel that he cares about her feelings and is trying to be un-
derstanding. When he is sincerely interested, understanding,
and sympathetic, then no matter what the disappointment,
she will feel better and he will become more attractive to her.
By being a sympathetic listener, a man can
transform even a disappointing date into an
intimate and rewarding experience for the woman.296 / JOHN GRAY, PH.D.