If you want to be perceived as dominant, strong, and in control, slightly
narrow your eyes. Donald Trump is a master of the beady-eyed glare. So is
Anne Robinson in The Weakest Link. Throughout his career Clint Eastwood
has used this ‘visor eyes’ posture to great effect most recently in Million
Dollar Baby.Scenario 1: Being reprimanded
When you want to make a strong point, deliberately avoid eye contact to
raise the other person’s anxiety levels. If you’ve ever been reprimanded by an
irate boss or disappointed parent you may recall how the anxiety levels rise
when the person speaking refuses to look at you. You know that any moment
you’re going to get the full force of her glare, it’s just a matter of when.When I was working as a hostess on a cruise ship I was called into the Cruise
Director’s office early one morning. Scotty was a stickler for punctuality and I
had been late for an event the night before. I knew I was in for it because I’d
heard him shout at my colleagues on other occasions. What I didn’t know
was how intense the confrontation would be. When I entered his office he
was sitting quietly behind his desk, staring out at the ocean with his back
turned to me. With barely a glance in my direction, he told me to sit down.
Continuing to look out the porthole he began to berate me not just for the
previous night’s transgression but for all my other failings as well. Unable to
remain quiet and let him blow off some steam I gave him excuses and argued
back. Big mistake. He spun around in his seat and fixed me with a glare so
forceful that it felt as if I’d been slapped in the face and punched in the chest.
His stare was so intense and he held it for so long that I was unable to meet
his eyes. Scotty told me that I’d better watch myself and that he was ‘keeping
an eye’ on me. As he said those words I looked up to see his eyes boring
directly into mine. Not able to sustain the eye contact I looked away. There
was no question at that point who was in the dominant position.If you find yourself disagreeing with someone and want to make your point,
hold the eye contact slightly longer than you would normally. Without saying
a word, you leave no doubt that you, too, are feeling dominant and should be
taken seriously.Scenario 2: In conversation
In conversation, the dominant person spends more time looking at the other
person when she’s talking than when she’s listening. Whoever is speaking has
control over the interaction. A dominant speaker watches her listeners to
make sure that they’re paying attention and aren’t about to cut in. When the
dominant person is in the listening position, however, she conveys her status
by reducing the amount of time she spends looking at the speaker indicating
that she’s not interested in flattering that person and is soon taking back the
speaker’s role.80 Part II: Starting at the Top