ROLE MODEL

Priming for security can be as simple as thinking about secure people
around you and how they behave in their relationships. To find such a
role model, mentally review the various people in your life, past and
present. The secure presence can be someone close like a parent or
a sibling, or it may be someone you know more casually from work or
through friends. What’s important is that this person has a secure
attachment style and a secure way of dealing with people. Once you’ve
come up with one or more such people, try to conjure specific images
and recollections of the way they interact in the world: the kinds of
things they say, how they act in different situations, what they choose to
ignore and what they respond to, the way they behave when their
partner is feeling down, and their general outlook on life and
relationships. For example:

“Once when I disagreed with my manager, I came out very

strongly against him. He showed a genuine interest in what I

had to say and created a dialogue with me instead of a

dueling match.”

“My best friend, Jon, and his wife, Laura, are always

encouraging each other to do the things that they are

passionate about. When Laura decided to leave her law firm

and go into social work, Jon was the first to give her his

blessing , even though it meant a serious financial cutback.”

Your Relationship with Your Pet as a

Secure Role Model?

Suzanne Phillips, coauthor of the book Healing Together,

describes our connection with our pets as a source of

inspiration for our romantic relationships. In her writing, she