points out that we tend to perceive our pets as selfless and

loving despite their many misdemeanors: They wake us up at

night, destroy our valuables, and demand our undivided

attention, yet we tend to overlook these behaviors and feel

positively toward them. In fact, our connection with our pets is

an excellent example of a secure presence in our lives. We can

tap into our attitudes toward our pets as a secure resource

within us—we don’t assume our pets are doing things

purposely to hurt us, we don’t hold grudges even when they eat

something they shouldn’t or make a mess, we still greet them

warmly when we come home (even after a rough day at the

office), and we stick by them no matter what.

Go over all the secure examples that you’ve come up with and
summarize the characteristics that you would like to adopt. This will
become your integrated secure role model. This is what you want to
strive for.

RESHAPING YOUR WORKING MODELS

In attachment research, “working model” is a phrase that describes our
basic belief system when it comes to romantic relationships—what
gets you going, what shuts you down, your attitudes and expectations.
In short, what makes you tick in relationships. It is helpful to understand
the ins and outs of your working model as a first step toward identifying
patterns of thoughts, feelings, and actions that stand in the way of your
becoming more secure.

Creating Your Relationship Inventory

The first order of business, therefore, is to become aware of the
working model that governs your relationship behavior. Although you
might have a good idea about your attachment style from what you’ve