Attached

read so far, the relationship inventory will help you see more clearly
how your attachment style affects your day-to-day thoughts, feelings,
and behaviors in romantic situations.
The inventory will walk you through your past and present
relationships from an attachment perspective. Research into the
molecular mechanism of memory and learning reveals that whenever
we recall a scene—or retrieve a certain memory to our conscious mind
—we disrupt it, and by doing so, we alter it forever. Our memories are
not like old books in the library, lying there dusty and unchanged; they
are rather like a living, breathing entity. What we remember today of
our past is in fact a product of editing and reshaping that occurs over
the years whenever we recall that particular memory. In other words,
our current experiences shape our view of our past ones. By creating
your own attachment inventory, you reexamine your recollections of
past relationship experiences from a fresh new perspective. Viewing
them through an attachment lens will allow you to change some
unhelpful beliefs that rely on those particular memories, and by so
doing reshape your working model into a more secure one.
On pages 168-169 is the attachment relationship inventory. Taking
the inventory is a task that should be done alone. Make sure to set
aside enough quiet time to work on it thoroughly, so you really get a
complete and accurate picture of yourself from an attachment
perspective. Start by listing, in the left-hand column (1), the names of
all your romantic partners, past and present. These can include people
you’ve dated briefly. We suggest working vertically, one column at a
time. Completing the inventory vertically encourages you to focus less
on each particular scenario and to achieve an integrated picture of
your working model across relationships. The more information you
gather, the better. In column 2, write what you remember about the
relationship: what it was like and what things stand out most when you
try to recall your time together. Once you write down your general
recollections of the relationship, column 3 allows you to take a closer
look and identify specific scenarios that contribute to
activation/deactivation of your attachment system. Column 4 asks how
you responded to these situations: What did you do? What were you
thinking? How did you feel? The lists below the inventory are provided