or considerate your mate is.

• You listen in on your partner’s conversations to learn what
  is really going on in his or her life.


• Your partner often consults other people, rather than you,
  about important issues.


• In an emergency, you feel uncertain that your partner will
  drop everything in order to be there for you.


• It is more important for your partner to make a good
  impression on strangers than on you.


• You’re surprised when you see friends being treated
  considerately by their partners.


• You are the person most likely to be insulted or put down
  by your mate.


• Your emotional and physical health are low on your
  partner’s priority list.

Do these statements apply to your situation? Chances are that if you’re
getting the cold shoulder, if your partner is much nicer to strangers and
usually “pleads the fifth”—choosing not to talk to you—you’ve become
the enemy. Your only crime has been to become too close to someone
who can’t tolerate it.
This is in very sharp contrast to life in the inner circle with someone
secure.

THE INNER CIRCLE WHEN YOU’ RE

TREATED LIKE ROYALTY

• Your well-being comes second to none.


• You are confided in first.


• Your opinion matters most.


• You feel admired and protected.


• Your need for closeness is rewarded with even more
  closeness.

Many people in anxious-avoidant relationships think that the “royal
inner circle” doesn’t really exist, and that all people have the same
inner-circle experience. They assume that other people are simply not