In 1966, Miranda warnings were mandated by the Supreme
Court. Police were required to Mirandize those under arrest by
reading them their rights: You have the right to remain silent.
Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court
of law. You have the right to an attorney present during
questioning. If you cannot afford an attorney, one will be
appointed for you. Do you understand these rights?
A colleague of ours, Diane, used to joke about guys who
would “Mirandize” her, i.e., inform her of what she had a “right”
to expect when dating them. “I don’t think that I’m ready for
commitment,” they would say, meaning, “If it doesn’t work out,
don’t say I didn’t warn you.” Apparently, like the police, who are
protected legally while they interrogate a suspect, these guys
felt absolved of any emotional responsibility toward Diane once
they had laid down “the law.”
Using attachment principles, you can create your own secure
(rather than avoidant) Miranda rights outlining your belief that
when people fall in love, they are all but putting their soul in their
partner’s hand for safekeeping, and that you both have the
responsibility to keep it safe and make it prosper.
By conveying to your partner a secure working model of love
and relationships, you are setting yourself up for a secure
connection from the get-go:
- You are wearing your heart on your sleeve.
- You are able to gauge the other person’s response.
- You are allowing both yourself and your partner to strive
for a secure, mutually dependent bond.