USING THIS BOOK
How can this book guide you in looking for love in all the right places
and improving your existing relationships?
After the introduction, we invite you to “roll up your sleeves” and get
straight to business by determining your own attachment style. This will
allow you to home in on your unique relationship “DNA” or attachment
style. Next you’ll learn how to identify the attachment styles of those
around you. These are key chapters, the first steps in understanding
your specific needs in relationships and who will be able (or unable) to
meet those needs. We’ll guide you through this process step-by-step
and then give you a chance to practice your new skills.
The next part discusses each attachment style in more detail. You’ll
start to get a better feel for the inner workings of each style. You may
experience these chapters as a true revelation as they allow you to see
your own romantic experiences and the experiences of people around
you in a fresh new light.
Part three comes with a big warning sign attached. You’ll learn the
emotional price of connecting with someone who has drastically
different intimacy needs from your own. We describe the specific
problems of the anxious-avoidant trap and advise you on the cost of
remaining in such a relationship. If you are already in such a bond and
want to make it work, this part will guide you through the process. By
uncovering the specific needs and vulnerabilities of each attachment
style (your own and your partner’s), and following tips and specific
interventions that are tailored to the anxious-avoidant connection, you
will be able to bring the relationship to a more secure place. Should
you decide to leave, we discuss the pitfalls you’ll encounter that may
stop you from going through with it and offer some useful pointers on
how to survive the pain of a breakup.
Finally, we tap into the mind-set of people with a secure attachment
style. We reveal a method for getting your message across effectively
to your date or partner. Using this skill will not only convey your needs