© 2003 – Carlos Xuma. – DD Publications – All Rights Reserved –
Unauthorized duplication or distribution is strictly prohibited. Visit http://www.datingdynamics.com for more information.discipline to SHUT UP. You impress a woman with your restraint and how you make her feel,
not by your accomplishments.
If you want a good alternative to bragging to impress her, try this: Casually mention
something interesting from your life that you’ve done or seen or experienced, and then change
the subject. Like this:
“Brazil sounds great, but I’m not sure that I’d recommend buying one of those tour
packages instead of planning your own visit. I would have enjoyed Venice much more if I’d had
more time there. So, do you plan to travel to South America soon?”
Do you see how that worked? He manages to spike her interest, mention that he’s been
to Venice, and still not seem like he’s bragging or trying to impress her because he turned the
conversation back to her. She will go on with what she was saying, but now she’s wondering
about him.
He’s been to Italy? Wow, that sounds romantic! I wonder if he went with someone? I
wonder what it was like...
Male Panic ........................................................................................................................................
There is a pitfall in dating that I need to point out to you, because it will happen to you as
you start to develop this mindset. I call it the Male Panic because it happens when guys react to
a woman’s reaction. Let’s say you’re out with Lana at the local Mexican bar, trying some fine
Tequilas. Here’s the conversation:
Where does this panic come from? The usual suspects: Lack of self-confidence and self-
discipline. Martin had the sense of humor down, making a great reversal joke of her touching
him. Lana, however, either lacks a sense of humor or genuinely mistook what he was trying to
say, not realizing it was a joke. Maybe Lana was joking back with him, too, playing it deadpan.
And she could have been testing him, trying to see if he was a secure man or a wimp. Whatever
the reason, the outcome was the same: Martin now looks like an insecure dweeb because he
couldn’t keep his cool. Now, no matter what Lana’s original intent was behind asking him what
he meant, her attraction is lowered by his wimpy response.
What should Martin’s response have been? He should have raised an eyebrow and
paused for a second to collect himself. This would have given Lana an opportunity to clarify her
meaning and save him having to say anything. If she gave him no indicators, he would have
smiled and said, “That was a joke.” In no way should he have indicated that her response was
really important to him, and by doing so his “game” was up.
Lana: “Mmm, I really like this kind. I definitely think top-shelf is better.” (She reaches past him to
put her shot glass down and touches Martin on the arm.)
Martin: (Smiling) “Hey, better watch it there. Just because I’m doing Tequila with you doesn’t
mean I don’t see a pass being made.” (Winks to be sure she knows it’s a joke.)
Lana: (losing her smile and squinting) “Huh? What do you mean by that?”
Martin: (faltering, scared he said something wrong) “Well, I, uh... I just meant you made that
comment about the tequila... I was .. uhm, joking. I’m sorry about that. Do you want me to buy you another
glass of that kind you liked?”
Lana: (shrugs.) “Yeah, that’d be okay ...”