© 2003 – Carlos Xuma. – DD Publications – All Rights Reserved –
Unauthorized duplication or distribution is strictly prohibited. Visit http://www.datingdynamics.com for more information.What happened? Well, Martin panicked, pure and simple. He thought that Lana’s
reaction meant that she was mad at him (which she may or may not have been) and he
proceeded to behave as if he needed her approval. This could stem back to many things, but in
most guys it’s an indication that they revere and worship women as almost superhuman beings,
empowered with the ability to decide if a man is worthy or not. (I have even theorized that it
goes back to a fear of making mommy mad at him.) But the real question goes back to the
beliefs of guys like Martin. If you think that a woman’s disapproval or her being mad at you
somehow reflects on your self-worth, you will find it agonizing to keep your posture with them.
Women do not want to be made to feel responsible for your (or anyone’s) sense of happiness or
well-being. If you react to their reactions, you demonstrate a need for approval – their approval
- and it is very unattractive. You must begin to question and shed this belief as soon as possible
using the understanding you gain from this program.
First Through Third Date...................................................................................................................
At this point on the continuum you’re ready to give the job applicant a real interview. It’s
time to find out a little more detail about her, as well as show off some suave confidence. You’ve
met her and decided that she’s not obviously psycho, and you’re ready to take the next step and
show her a romantic, good time.
The goals of this stage are several. You want to impress her with your self-discipline.
You want to maximize her attraction to you while you remain as emotionally neutral as possible.
You want to be sure to pass any tests she may present to you along the way. And, as I’ve said
before, you want to be dating other women during this process to lend you perspective and
detachment.
What do you do next? You plan out simple dates (remember my definition of “dates”)
that will allow you to further your discovery process and engage her attraction mechanism. By
simple, I mean don’t overdo it. No flowers, no gifts, as I said before. Create interesting and
exciting meetings that are not the norm and you’ll be well on your way. Go to the local strip of
curio stores in your town or city, and shop around a little. CD and video stores are good
because you can get an idea of what she’s like from her tastes and it provides great
conversation.
If you’re casually dating, and you’re just interested in some routine hanky-panky, you
should be looking to demonstrate a lot of confidence (that’s cockiness, not arrogance) as well
as fun behavior. The more thrilling and fun you can make it, the better, since this heightens the
sexual response. If you can keep her laughing and talking about herself, you’ll be amazed at
how far that will get you. Keep the conversation focused at least seventy percent on her, and
always have a plan for each step along the way. You need to know how to bridge from point to
point on the continuum.
Don’t underestimate your need to shut up and listen at this point. (And listening is not
just waiting for your turn to talk, either.) One reason is to give her the attention she needs and
demonstrate your ability to understand her, but another reason is to watch out for any red flags.
Listen to the things she says and make sure you’re not missing clues. If there’s one mistake that
I’ve made and heard lamented a thousand times by so many other guys, it’s that they didn’t