© 2003 – Carlos Xuma. – DD Publications – All Rights Reserved –
Unauthorized duplication or distribution is strictly prohibited. Visit http://www.datingdynamics.com for more information.There is a potential trap here, and it could throw you off if you don’t see it coming.
Sometimes a woman who is not flexible or easygoing will react to your deflection by shutting
you down entirely when you refuse to talk about sexual topics. In the previous conversation,
right after Nick made the comment about her being a Romeo, then changes the subject,
Samantha would have gotten indignant and a bit distant. Nick, being self-confident would not
react to this with the usual male-panic (“Oh no! I’ve made her mad! I better start kissing up to
her...”) Instead, he would have noted her reaction, and known that if she’s like this now, she’s
probably a bit shaky in her own self-esteem. She took his joking as an affront to her sexuality,
now she’s going to pull an attitude. It’s not that frequent, but it can happen, so don’t let it throw
you. Just keep being your confident self, no matter what she throws at you.
The Big Test – The Doubt Dip ..........................................................................................................
I’ll talk more about women’s testing of men, but there is one test you need to know
before we go any further. At some early point, and possibly again later on, the woman you’re
pursuing will act totally bored and uninterested in you. Either she’ll be in doubt of her feelings for
you, or her ambivalence will present itself by her ignoring you. Often times it will just be her bad
mood, time of the month, whatever, but it will serve as a proving ground for you. You must be
prepared for this to happen with almost every woman. It does not reflect on her feelings for you
as much as it does about her wondering if you’re going to be like every other guy out there. It’s
her “Doubt Dip.”
For example: You meet up with Betty for drinks, and you hit it off great. She’s responsive
to you, and seems like a stable, flexible woman. You meet again for a real date, and she’s even
more interesting and fun. Then, the next time you two get together, she is very cool and distant.
She suddenly isn’t nearly as talkative, and you feel a little uncomfortable.
Your reaction is what is most important here. You never react with anger, silence, or any
of the responses that you will be tempted most severely to use. Don’t let your discomfort make
you act in ways that make her think you’re looking for approval.
If you do react negatively, such as getting distant or angry, you’re showing that:
1) Your mood is controlled by her mood. This is a clingy/needy feeling for
anyone, and does not make her more attracted to you. In fact, it flushes her
attraction down the toilet.
2) It shows that she can control your ability to have a good time. Again, you’re
acting dependent and insecure. Flushhhh...
3) You are like all the other guys who start out nice, but get angry and moody
when things don’t go their way. She was right about you. (Yes, I know it isn’t
anywhere near reality, but she doesn’t necessarily recognize her own behavior
creating the situation. It’s her test, you see.) Another Flushhhh...You must have the self-discipline to continue to act cool and self-confident. Continue to
joke with her (sense of humor), and if necessary joke with others around you to show that her
attitude is not having one iota of affect on your good time. The more distant Betty becomes, the
more you keep up the relaxed, happy guy routine. It will become very painful if you’re not used