© 2003 – Carlos Xuma. – DD Publications – All Rights Reserved –
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A woman responds more to demonstrations of affection than words.Paying the Bill ...................................................................................................................................
Ooh, I can hear you guys moaning in pain already. How do you handle the bill when it
comes? Well, I’ll assume that you took my advice and are not going on traditional dates until at
least after the third or fourth get-together, if at all. When you start behaving like a “dater” you are
going to fall back into that pattern of courtship. But if you insist on taking her to dinner, which is
a necessity at some point, you’ll want to know how to handle the bill.
Here’s the short and simple: You take the bill and behave as though you are going to
pay it. Don’t let it sit there in the middle of the table like a turd that no one wants to admit exists.
Be decisive and take the bill. If she says nothing, she is assuming the role of the traditional
woman-on-a-date, and there’s nothing wrong with that. If she offers to pay for it, you thank her
and say you can get it. If she insists on paying her share, then she is telling you one of two
things: She wants no obligation to you, or she could be mature and modern, and she wants you
to know that she’s capable of paying her own way. You should still insist on paying initially.
If she doesn’t offer to help on the first date, wait until the third date to see if she chips in.
She should offer by this point. If she seems to expect you to pay for everything, this is an
attitude for you to address. This could be a sign that she’s a gold-digger.
My general advice is to avoid eat-out meals if you can (especially for the first few dates)
and cook her dinner yourself. It has much more romantic potency, and it moves you along the
continuum even faster.
As you progress, you should be increasing your expectations of her, and at the same
time working to avoid letting her tests become a shift in power control. Her tests (more detail
later in the book) are times when she will push back against the boundaries you have set, either
through misbehaving or flagrant defiance, and you must demonstrate confident resolve.
Start by not reacting emotionally. That’s an immediate failing grade. Next, you point out
what you’re seeing and give her an opportunity to save face and apologize. If she pretends not
to notice or understand, you must trust in your perception of Truth and hold her to your standard
of behavior. Communicate that this is unacceptable, and that you are willing to drop her like
second-period French if she ever does it again. Then follow up with a polite segue to another
topic to give her a chance to demonstrate her attitude. If she’s bitchy because you called her on
her behavior, you keep an eye on this as a red flag.
Some examples of tests are:
Arriving late/not being ready
Inappropriate comments or remarks that have a questionable intent, like a veiled
insult that is not good-natured play
Changing your plans or expecting you to cater to her spur-of-the-moment whims
LoserBoy: She’s pulling out her
wallet. Cool! She’s going to chip in!