© 2003 – Carlos Xuma. – DD Publications – All Rights Reserved –
Unauthorized duplication or distribution is strictly prohibited. Visit http://www.datingdynamics.com for more information.girl, emulating mommy. She’s a mercenary for her vision: A two-story home in the suburbs, 2.4
children, a dog (his), a cat (hers), and a Land Rover in the garage. She’s the epitome of the
“soccer mom,” and she’s had this plan orchestrated and ready to execute since she got out of
her last sorority party before graduation where she sowed her last wild oat. She’s the extreme of
the thirty-something woman who knows that time is not on her side. Her window of opportunity
serves as a kind of doomsday clock, and she doesn’t feel like she’s a woman unless she’s
signed on for the Program, got the husband and two-story in the suburbs, and had a few
children.
Keep in mind that our culture fosters this kind of approach to dating, love, marriage, and
families. Girls have been sold a bill of goods since they were small and innocent. Women are
given specific gender roles, which are reinforced through the media. Girls are programmed that
they must dress in pink, not blue, and play with baby dolls, not cars or trucks. They are given
Walt Disney movies that tell you how to think of men as “Prince Charming” stereotypes, who will
someday come and sweep you off your feet. They buy magazines (Cosmopolitan, Vogue, etc.)
that proclaim to help them build their female esteem by adhering to a code of physical
appearance (be skinny as a rail and wear these clothes and shoes), and they compare
themselves with other women at every opportunity.
I tell you this not to fill you with despair, but so you’ll know what kind of playing field to
expect when you leave the locker room. Guys are more disillusioned than ever, mostly because
we’ve been paying attention to the unseen announcer of this dating game, who’s telling us that
women want this ... Wait! No, they want that... Hold on! They really want this...
As I said before, I resolved at an early age to not get married until I was at least 30. I’m
past that now, and I’m damn glad I made that decision. We don’t really know what we want
when we’re young. That’s not to say you will figure it all out later (or can’t figure it out sooner),
but experience will make for better decisions. Also, there are many mistakes you must make,
and some mistakes you can’t simply learn from watching others. I’ve seen how many marriages
end up with a man who feels like a cog in a machine, having no real importance to his wife but
the role he fills as provider, chauffer, and chaperone. And we men deserve much more than
that.
The female “program” should only further reinforce the importance of building your plan
early on. These are tricky and treacherous waters. If you don’t know where you’re going, any
road will take you there. I want you to see what’s up ahead and make your own decisions – not
the ones someone else has made for you.
THE HIGH-MAINTENANCE WOMAN............................................................................................................
Like the Player, the High-Maintenance Woman is difficult to define, as every man has his
own definition, but I think we can come up with a workable characterization:
A High-Maintenance Woman demands more emotional and/or
material effort than is comfortable for most men.