© 2003 – Carlos Xuma. – DD Publications – All Rights Reserved –
Unauthorized duplication or distribution is strictly prohibited. Visit http://www.datingdynamics.com for more information.She doesn’t need any logical rationalization to sleep with you. Talking to her – listing all
the reasons why she should go to bed with you, including being pushy – will not work, and will
often backfire. She has to feel like sleeping with you with her emotions, not her rational mind.
Remember, people make emotional decisions and then back them up later with logic.
We’ll cover sex in the final chapter.VULNERABILITY / HONESTY / RISK / EMOTIONAL DISCLOSURE....................................................................
One thing that women have consistently promoted as being one of their top desires is a
man who has a level of vulnerability, who can express his emotions. This is only partially true.
Where men run into trouble is when they confuse disclosure and honesty with overexposure
and losing their posture. Risks are required to progress in a relationship, but there is a healthy
limit.
Initially, you should only disclose those things about you that increase her attraction for
you. If you tell her something about how you killed frogs with a baseball bat when you were
eight, no matter how repentant you might seem, she’s going to mark that against you. Your
honesty may register on her conscious mind, but it’s her feelings that will dictate her attraction
and sexual interest in you. You have plenty of time to tell her about your childhood fetish for frog
murder if and when you both decide to go beyond a short-term dating spree. For now, negatives
will always repel her.
Remember, never lie, but don’t tell too much truth, either. Discretion is more respected
than confession. Save your need for absolution for your priest.
Risks, on the other hand, are what you will have to take along the way to gain her trust.
You risk by asking her to go out with you to a local record store; she risks by going along. You
risk telling her a little about your taste in music; she risks telling you about her Barbie collection.
You risk leaning in for a goodnight kiss; she risks by kissing you back. You risk, she risks. Back
and forth.
If, after a time, you don’t get reciprocating risks from her, you must move on. Risks from
both sides enable trust, and that allows you to progress along the continuum. If you hold back
from risk, you are at a deadlock, and you’ll be very unlikely to move forward effectively. Risk
establishes trust, and trust is a requirement.
What is the power source behind risk, you ask? I’m sure you know by now.
Self-confidence. Self-discipline. Sense-of-humor.
When your fear of loss is contained in your confidence, you have the ability to take a
risk. When you don’t get any return on your investment, you have the discipline to cash in this
stock for something better. And the whole time, your humor keeps you from taking the situation
(or yourself) too seriously.