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planned to see this author at 7:00. Meeting her at this other store would
jeopardize your ability to get a good seat. Tell her you will meet her where you
planned, and you’ll hold a spot for her when she gets done shopping.
- Disrespect Test: This one comes in two flavors, subtle and not-so-subtle. Disrespect
from anyone – regardless of gender – should never be tolerated. When you call them
on it (using your sense of humor so you don’t come off as a jerk), you’ll regain
respect from both men and women. Here’s what happens when a woman uses
subtle disrespect:
o She will very often make a casual remark that could be considered an insult or
put-down, such as: “Well, I guess if you haven’t been skiing long, moguls would
scare you.” Let’s assume her tone implied that she wasn’t just giving you a good-
natured teasing. Your reply? You pause for a second, smirk, look at her directly
and ask softly, “Really. What do you mean by that exactly?” This will give her a
very gentle nudge, telling her that you are aware that she may have misspoken,
and you are giving her a chance to save face. More often than not, she will just
correct and apologize, but occasionally you get someone who just thinks they
were pretty darn funny to begin with, and they deepen the hole. “I just meant that
if you’re not very good, you ought to stay on the beginner slopes. I hate having to
dodge someone who can’t ski to save their life.” This may be her attempt to
provoke you into an argument, and it’s easy to let it go there. Later you’ll learn
that arguments are never really won, so you’re best defense is to cut her off at
the knees with a little humor. “Really? You’re that good? You must be that skier I
always envy. Do you give lessons, or are you in training for the Olympics?”
Deliver that with a smile. If she gets offended or angry, you’re dealing with a
woman who is probably stiff and bitchy, and you need none of that.
o In the case of open disrespect, you must put your foot down and make your
stance abundantly clear. If you accept mistreatment from a woman (or anyone
else) you will deserve all that you get.
One method of overt disrespect I showed you how to handle above, but the other
is when you hear her say something that is blatantly an insult or put-down, such
as this: Shawn just told Liz about his difficulty with moguls and a fall he took. She
replies, “Well, dummy, what did you expect would happen? Duh.”
Even if veiled under laughter or a joking demeanor, this kind of “playfulness” on
her part is disrespectful, rude, and should be corrected immediately. Shawn’s
reply is: “You know, Liz, I’ve been pretty impressed with your good manners ...
until now. I don’t find put-downs attractive from anyone, and I expect more
respect than that. You should also expect the same from me.” It’s up to Shawn at
this point to decide if he wants to end the date or give her another chance. She
may even want to end it, and that is an indication that Shawn may have someone
who isn’t going to give him a minimum level of respect. Many women seem to
believe that the put downs that they see passed back and forth on television are
acceptable in real life, and it’s up to you to ensure that this is not worked over
you.
The key to this strategy is to ensure that you deliver your correction in a polite
and non-angry or defensive tone. If you just seem hurt, she’ll think that you are
