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insecure and that she got to you. Remember: Self-confidence. As soon as you
clear the air, move on to a light topic and switch back to friendly mode for a while.
She may not jump right back at your level, but give her a little time.
- Passive/Aggressive Tests – (being late for a meeting/changing plans)
o The one test that is frequently given is to show up late or change plans. I gave
some information about how to handle the change-of-plans ploy, but something
does need to be said about the late factor.
Women are, by nature, late. They’re late for almost everything, and there’s
always an excuse for why (no parking, last minute phone call, spilled caviar on
dress, etc.) It’s pointless to fight this, as it would be denying reality: She will be
late on a regular basis. So, if we accept this as a given, here’s your best
approach:
First, if you have an event to attend, you can always tell her that it is a
half-hour earlier than it actually is. If she calls you on this, you just say
that you misread the time. Or, present it so that she has to meet you at
your house at a particular time that you set, taking into account her
probable tardiness. You minimize your inconvenience as you can be
doing things at home while you wait, rather than sitting on her couch while
she runs around getting ready, and her cat glares at you from across the
room.
Second, if she pushes her lateness habit too far (i.e., frequently more
than twenty minutes or so), you’ll have to be firmer. You can let her know
in advance that you want to arrive at a certain time, and she can leave
with you at a given time, or she can meet you there. If she’s late, you can
leave a ticket at the will-call booth, or have her call your cell phone when
she arrives.
Next, when she does pull the “I’m running behind” game, you must be
firm in explaining where you stand. If you arrive at her house and she is
running late, you must tell her that this is unacceptable, in clear terms:
“Look, Rhonda, I understand you may not be used to men who are
prompt and definite about the time, but I don’t intend to be late for this
event. I consider this disrespecting me and the time and energy I put into
organizing this special event for us. If you can’t be ready in 5 minutes, I’ll
call someone else to go along with me.” There should be no anger in your
voice, or any reactive tone. You state this simply and sternly.
Undoubtedly, this may appear harsh at first, perhaps even “inflexible” (as
some women will almost certainly say to you at some point.) The point is
not about whether or not you are easygoing or not, but whether you are
respected. You must be inflexible on occasion to ensure that you are
respected. It’s been my experience that most guys are too easygoing and
laid back, which is not conducive to a woman’s attraction to you. It’s
attractive to other men, but not to women.
