© 2003 – Carlos Xuma. – DD Publications – All Rights Reserved –
Unauthorized duplication or distribution is strictly prohibited. Visit http://www.datingdynamics.com for more information.Understanding a person’s modality not only helps you communicate better with them
about sex (finding out if talking dirty, watching porn, or close dancing turns them on), but also
how they will respond in conversation. Using words that appeal to their modality will help you
establish rapport.
The essential part of communications in sex is to make it relaxed and genuine. You’re
asking questions to find out what she wants/doesn’t want, and that takes a measured amount of
restraint on your part. You absolutely should avoid using any gutter language. When you talk
about sex, women like it best when body parts are referred to in non-vulgar terms. In fact, if you
can think in terms of poetry, I highly recommend you use that angle. Let’s compare, which do
you think sounds better whispered in her ear?
“I feel like banging you harder than a stick of dynamite, you wench ...”
“It’s so hot and intense next to you like this, like an electric charge ...”
The difference here is what one calls dirty versus erotic, and erotic is what she wants to
hear when it comes to talking about having sex with her.
So, how do you talk about sex with her? That’s probably foremost on your mind, since
guys aren’t as far along on the communication path as most women are. When communicating
your needs, or your questions, or anything else to a woman, always remember:
- Never accuse or make her feel like she’s doing anything wrong, even if she is. It’s a
long way to go from feeling humiliated to performing for you again. Try to state it in "I
feel" terms, so that it’s immediately implied that this is your perception. - Never demand. Just politely and nicely state what it is you desire. If she doesn’t give
it to you, chances are she can’t give it, so move on. You can’t pester her to be the
way you want her to be. - Never beg or ask for more sex from a woman than she is giving you willingly. If you
are in a position where you she does not initiate, but eventually warms up, that’s fine.
But if you initiate and are turned down or denied, there is a larger problem here.
Chances are that you are not giving her enough reinforcement and meeting her
preliminary needs for her to feel comfortable with sex. - Stay out of her past. Don’t ask questions you don’t want to know. I know this will be
too tempting for most of you, but how many guys out there, knowing that they are
jealous of a woman’s past sexual experience, will ask her all sorts of questions about
what she’s done before, then get pissy and distant when she tells him. It’s a perverse
self-torture when we do this, and it’s seated in a lack of self-confidence. Focus on the
present, because that’s all you can control. The past is done. - No means no. This kind of No is often accompanied by at least a physical
demonstration (she pulls your hand away, pushes you away, etc.) or an obvious
change in her mood to something serious. The confusion comes when a woman is
really saying "No, not yet." This means that she’s not hot enough for you, and you
need to step back into foreplay to try again. If you’re ever in doubt about a woman’s
willingness, back off. You don’t want to run a risk of going to jail and spending some