© 2003 – Carlos Xuma. – DD Publications – All Rights Reserved –
Unauthorized duplication or distribution is strictly prohibited. Visit http://www.datingdynamics.com for more information. Having too many friends of the opposite sex is confusing to your gender identity.
Very often, men will make himself a part of a woman’s clique, and then discover he’s
losing his masculinity. He will start identifying with female issues too closely, and he
ends up becoming the Nice Guy, too afraid to hurt a woman the way all those Bad
Men do.
Having too many friends of the opposite sex removes the dynamic sexual tension
you need to take action. You need a certain level of sexual tension in your life to
drive you to date women. Very often, I see people of both sexes who lose their
initiative to date because they can keep a safe level of unrequited tension in their
opposite-sex friendships. They can play around with their male-female interactions,
but it can never lead to sex or a relationship. (Also prevalent when straight women
hang around gay men.)ABB - Always Be Busy........................................................................................................................
Another one of my golden rules of meeting a woman is that the meeting itself should
seem secondary to what you’re doing in your life. If you’re in a Starbuck’s, waiting for her, she
should not walk in and see you sitting there, watching the door, waiting on her. Her first
impression should be you engrossed in a book, or taking notes, or talking on the phone. You
see, your life has to already be interesting before she comes along, or she will smell neediness
on you like skunk cologne. When you’re doing something else, it says that you have interests
other than her, and you won’t be another needy/clingy wimp she has to shake off like a case of
fleas.
If you’re meeting her at a store or an indoor location, make sure it has something that
you can occupy your time with. Make her have to get your attention, if possible. If you are
meeting in a place that doesn’t offer many alternate places to focus your attention, start a
conversation with someone else. (If it’s a woman, don’t make it seem like you’re hitting on her
when your date arrives, just act friendly.) The general rule of thumb is that you always have at
least a book or a magazine with you, and make it something that would be a great conversation
starter. Don’t sit there reading some true-life Navy Seals stories and expect her to find you
alluring. Bring a People or a Newsweek.
Another part of the ABB rule is that the activities that you choose for your ongoing dates
should be things you are already doing without a woman; you just happen to be asking her
along for her company. This also demonstrates that you have a life, and you do not need her to
have fun. (This approach is covered further ahead.) If you like rock climbing, ask her to come to
your gym. If you’re into kayaking, ask her to come along for a couple hours on the river.
First meeting .......................................................................................................................................
Let’s start with the trickiest of questions, one that I’m sure most guys have thought about
since seeing the movie “Swingers” for the first time. How long do you wait from the time you get
her number until you call her?