Leading with NLP

Guides and Rules of the Road 107

is a resource in another. Just be choosier about where
you apply it.
Relational skills– the skills you have for dealing with others.
Problem-solving skills– what sort of problems can you solve?
What games are you good at? How could you transfer
some of the successful strategies in those games to ‘real’
life?

Values and Beliefs
What is important to you? Does this give you passion? What
beliefs do you have about yourself and others that can help
you?
Your values and beliefs are very powerful resources.

unpacking skills

Sometimes we keep skills in boxes and do not apply them
where they are needed. Often we do have the communica-
tion skills we need, but not where we need them, so we
think we do not have them. I remember a woman who
talked to me about her problems at work. She was very
short-tempered in meetings and would try to push her plans
forward and convince others she was right. Afterwards she
regretted the scene that ensued and whether she won or lost
the argument, it did not advance her career. I asked her
what she was good at and enjoyed doing. She admitted
sheepishly that she was good at counselling her friends
when they were in trouble. Here she asked a lot of ques-
tions, found out their point of view and got a lot of
satisfaction from helping them and from coming up with
creative solutions that they had not thought of. She was con-
stantly keeping track of how they felt by their voice tone,
gestures and what they said.
In the work situation, she said she just told the other
people what she thought and told them they were wrong.
Her goal was to convince them that her point of view
was right and she only knew she was succeeding when they