108 Leading with NLP
conceded the point, as she did not pay attention to any on-
going feedback at all. She saw the other people as her
opponents.
I wrote down these points and we looked them over from
a detached point of view. She could not believe she acted so
differently in the different situations. She decided to treat
the work situation as if it were a counselling situation. In
other words, she looked on the people she was arguing with
as her friends. This did not mean she had to like them, only
that she wanted them to feel good about talking to her. She
paid attention to their feedback, using their voice tone and
their body language to guide what she said next. She asked
more questions instead of telling them what to do. The re-
sults were immediate – there was a better atmosphere at
work and her discussions were more constructive. Then she
took her ‘telling’ mode and switched it to other situations in
her work where she needed to be more assertive.
You can switch your resources round too.
Switching Resources
Pick a situation in your life where you are not getting
the result that you want – maybe in a work situation,
maybe dealing with others or with a particular person.
Think about a typical instance and then answer these
questions:
What are you trying to achieve here?
How do you judge that you are getting what you want?
What signs do you pay attention to?
What do you do to get what you want? Make a list of all
the actions you take and the sort of things you say.
How do you view the other person in the situation?When you have done that, think of a situation where
you did get what you wanted. This can be any situation.
It does not have to be with the same person or with an-
other person at all. Then answer the same questions: