Guides and Rules of the Road 109What do you want?
What do you pay attention to to know that you are get-
ting it?
What do you do to get your goal?
If there is another person in the situation, how do you
view them? If there is not, what attitude do you
take?
Now put the two sets of answers side by side and look at
the differences.
Typically, in the unsatisfactory situation, people find
that they have only one goal, that they do not track the
feedback they get, but only know that they have got it
when they have got it. This is useless as evidence. Imag-
ine a salesperson who only knew that they would make
the sale when the customer said, ‘Yes.’ They would have
no feedback on how to communicate their product. A
good salesperson reads the customer all the time –
voice tone, body language and words – for buying signs.
When one approach does not work, they try another,
and the only reason they know what works is because
they are paying attention all the time.
Finally, in the first situation, you will only have a few
actions that you take, with no fall-back plan if they do
not work, and the other person will be seen as an oppo-
nent, someone standing in your way. You probably feel
bad about the situation and this does not help. It means
that each time you meet this person the bad feeling hov-
ers in the background, and also the worse you feel, the
less resourceful and inventive you are likely to be.
In contrast, where you are effective, you will have
multiple goals, have many options to get them, be track-
ing the situation all the time and have a positive
attitude towards the task.
How could you switch the skills that you have when
you are effective to deal with the unsatisfactory
situation?