Neuro Linguistic Programming

Chapter 7: Creating Rapport 121

✓ Difficult conversations with a teenager or family member

✓ Presentations at work

✓ Meetings with your bank manager

✓ Contract negotiations

✓ Sensitive discussions with a partner or friend

✓ Ways of relating to your boss or a colleague at work

✓ Methods of dealing with difficult clients

William was having his house rebuilt, and he was finding that the builder

wasn’t keeping to schedule, because he was working on a number of jobs

at the same time. As he found his anger rising at this poor service, Kate led

William through the three perceptual positions to plan a difficult meeting with

the builder, instead of igniting the showdown that seemed inevitable as the

conflict escalated.

William recognised that the builder had serious cash-flow issues and was

going through a difficult time with his family. ‘The exercise made me just stop

and think that he wasn’t deliberately messing me about. So, I took him out

for a beer, explained how dissatisfied I was feeling, and we agreed a tighter

schedule of stages in the build where I would release money in smaller

amounts as work was completed. This arrangement turned the situation

around for both of us and saved court action.’

The following exercise takes four perceptual positions. You may like to try it

with the assistance of a coach or friend to help you concentrate on the pro-

cess so that you work only with your issues.

To start, choose a relationship you want to explore. Perhaps you want to gain

some insight into a difficult conversation or confrontation, in the past or the

future. Lay out four spaces on the floor to denote four positions (as Figure 7-2

shows): pieces of paper or sticky notes are fine. Note that you must ‘break

state’ between each position by physically moving between each space. Just

shake your body a little, or look out of the window and think about what

you’re going to have for supper tonight!

1. Stand in the first position, your point of view, imagining that you’re
   looking at the other person in the second position.

Ask yourself: ‘What am I experiencing, thinking, and feeling as I look at
this person?’

2. Now shake that off and go to stand in the second position, imagining
   that you’re the person looking back at yourself in the first position.

Ask yourself: ‘What am I experiencing, thinking, and feeling as I look at
this person?’