CosmopolitanAustralia201507 .

COSMOPOLITAN July 2015 23

8

Worst dates ever!

‘‘

Enjoy these readers’ doozies, and be glad it wasn’t you

“ONE TIME,

I SNEEZED AND

MY TAMPON

SHOT OUT OF ME

LIKE A MISSILE.”

• Celeste, 22

“I’m a bit of a shopaholic, so

there are things with tags in my

closet that have been there for,

like, years. That’s me – pop the

tag after four years!” – Elidja, 20

6

“He took me to see

a movie and had his

phone out the entire

time – talking to other

girls on Tinder!”

SOPHIA, 21

“As soon as we

sat down for sushi, he

started ripping open the soy

sauce packets and drinking

them like water. He had about

six before I faked an

emergency and bolted.”

GILLIAN, 20

“On our second

date, it came out

that I’m bisexual.

He got his phone

out in the middle

of the restaurant

and played a porn

video of two girls

getting it on.”

LAURA, 26

“We went to a bar where

they checked our IDs.

The bouncer checked

mine first and then his

• he’s 31. Trying to make
  a joke about the age
  difference, he blurted out,
  ‘Yep, I’m her father.’”
  ELIZABETH, 22

“He asked me if

I wanted a job

as his assistant

and then said,

‘Never mind, ’cos

then I couldn’t

bang you.’”

LEANNA, 24

“After dinner,

we went back

to his place, and

his ex showed

up with a golf

club and

smashed in his

windows!”

TERALYNN, 25

“Out of nowhere,

he told me that

he ‘used’ to have

a serious cocaine

problem, but now

he only uses it for

‘special occasions’

• including the
  brunch we
  were having.”
  SYDNEY, 24

“When he opened

the menu and saw the

prices, he said, ‘You’re not

that hungry, right? Because

we should just eat the

chips and salsa.”

SARA, 22

DOUCHE-O-METER

JUST CLUELESS UM, NO CHEQUE, PLEASE!SO OFFENSIVEEPIC FAIL DERANGED

confessi ons

“I was in a long-distance relationship, so

I decided to send my girlfriend some naked

pics... and accidentally sent them to my

manager at work – hours before my shift

7 started. Awkward!” – Mariah, 20