B
illowing clouds of steam,
water beading off your
heaving bosom, four close
walls for him to push you
up against... the idea of
shower sex is so licentious
that just describing it leaves barely a dry
seat in the house. The reality, however,
is a little less magical. In fact, it’s usually
more mouldy than smouldery. But if
you take care of logistics, I promise you
can have movie-quality bathroom nookie
without the potential clumsiness and
suspiciously placed bruising. And holy
wrinkly fingertips, is it worth getting it
right! Because like my all-time favourite
Disney character says: darling it’s better
down where it’s wetter. And yes, I am
aware he’s a talking crab from a kids
movie but the sentiment stands. So let’s
look at the possible quandaries, shall we.LOGISTICAL HICCUP:
NON-IDEAL
BATHROOM SITCH
Marky’s solution: It’s true – soap scum
and mildew make for two things: great
disinfectant commercials and terribleLike anything that involves
exposed genitals, there’s a right and
a wrong way to get busy in the
bathroom, says Emma Markezic
shower sex. In fact, if Easy-Off BAM
just reminded people of the real benefits
of a clean shower, I’m sure they’d sell
more suds. So prep your pad – this is
the place you do all manner of grimy
things and I dare say you don’t want to
be reminded of yesterday’s burrito while
you’re getting it on. Make sure you get
rid of any hair removal cream/dandruff
shampoo/lady razors while you’re at it.
Keep in the shower only things that you
think you might use. You know – loofah,
body wash with the word “invigorating”
on the bottle, that sort of thing. While
we’re at it, prepare yourself, too. Make
sure you’re makeup-free so that melting
mascara doesn’t ruin your visage. And
an “accidental” white t-shirt competition
vibe won’t exactly hurt your chances, if
you’re picking up what I’m putting down.LOGISTICAL HICCUP:
HEIGHT DIFFERENCE
Marky’s solution: Oh yeah, this one is a
pickle. In that you can’t actually reach
his pickle. The struggle is real, people.
But there are ways around this if you’re
willing to try. Which, of course, you are.MARKY
PONDERS
...
The art of GOOD
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SHOWER SEX