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WHY INSECURE PEOPLE DON’T APPROACH CONFLICT HEAD-ON Several aspects of the anxious and avoidant mind-sets make it difficult for ...

Though Jackie and Paul have been seeing each other for over a year and spend most nights together, Paul has three children that ...

—he doesn’t want his kids to meet someone unless it’s very serious— and Jackie never reciprocated his love declarations. It does ...

Insecure assumptions interfere with conflict resolution. Specifically, being centered on your own needs and hurts can cause a lo ...

Getting sidetracked from the real problem. Neglecting to effectively communicate your feelings and needs. Reverting to personal ...

secure principles that could be used instead. Marcus booked a (mostly) singles cruise to Brazil before he and Daria started dat ...

concern is real, and as long as he doesn’t address it, this issue will never really be resolved. Following her boyfriend’s resp ...

significant. If he continues to belittle her and devalue her feelings, then she must ask herself whether she wants to be with so ...

exhausted.. .”), and shows a genuine awareness for his wife’s well- being by validating her concern (“I am very worried about th ...

Secure Insecure Insecure tactics Mia used: Secure tactics Mia could use: Answer: Steve—Insecure. Steve tries to avert a confro ...

whether he’s able to listen to what his partner wants and accommodate her needs. While sitting at a sidewalk café, Emma notices ...

Secure tactics Emma could use: Answer: Todd—Insecure. Todd evades Emma’s underlying concern—feeling unattractive and unappreciat ...

Dan’s sister comes to look after Dan and Shannon’s kids while the two go out for some much needed time together. When they retu ...

Epilogue For us, the most important take-home message from this book is that relationships should not be left to chance. Relatio ...

him and he would win her over. Although the film started with a spoiler —saying that it wasn’t a love story—we never stopped wis ...

don’t feel guilty for feeling incomplete or unsatisfied. After all, your most basic needs often go unmet, and love alone isn’t e ...

on to them can be highly destructive. They encourage us to compromise our self-esteem and happiness by ignoring our most basic n ...

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS We are grateful to many people for helping us during the writing of this book. First and foremost, we thank our ...

Service, where I have worked for the past four years. Their knowledge, insight, and collective wisdom have allowed me to become ...

helping my development as a clinician and a researcher; Dr. Daniel Schechter, Principle Investigator in the Parent-Child Project ...