Attached

Activating Strategies Thoughts and Feelings That Compel You to Seek Closeness with Your Partner Thinking about your mate, diffi ...

that he would change, that everyone has problems, and so on. It took over a year before she could muster the courage to sever th ...

...

While Emily was with David, in terms of relationships, she lived her life in the danger zone. She felt like a tightrope walker w ...

wasn’t right, got really upset, and called again. This time it went directly to voice-mail. He didn’t leave a message. He felt h ...

phone (protest behavior) when she eventually did call. All of which would have been very destructive for the relationship. Prote ...

each other,” “I’ll be better off without you”—all the while hoping s/he will stop you from leaving. Manipulations: Acting busy ...

Intriguingly, they found that when women with an anxious attachment style thought about negative scenarios (conflict, breakup, d ...

RELATIONSHIP IF YOU ARE ANXIOUS Emily, who you met at the beginning of the chapter, was unaware of attachment science. She didn’ ...

actually complement each other in a way. Each reaffirms the other’s beliefs about themselves and about relationships. The avoida ...

happy. Having a perpetually activated attachment system is the opposite of what nature had in mind for us in terms of gratifying ...

THE LAW OF LARGE NUMBERS—WHY YOU ARE MORE LIKELY TO MEET AVOIDANTS WHEN YOU GO OUT ON A DATE There is one last reason you will p ...

Conclusion: Avoidants are in the dating pool more frequently and for longer periods of time. People with a secure attachment st ...

discontented; finally she left him. He was very sad for a long while but was ready to start dating again. Trevor was very good-l ...

mistake an activated attachment system for passion or love. Don’t let emotional unavailability turn you on. If You’re Anxious, Y ...

books. They offer guidelines to help you “land” a partner, such as: Don’t make yourself too available, say you’re busy even when ...

Acknowledge and accept your true relationship needs. Do we recommend that you do all the pursuing, fulfill your partner’s ever ...

Sends mixed messages—about his/her feelings toward you or about his/her commitment to you. Longs for an ideal relationship—but ...

and so they try to accommodate their partner’s need for distance and boundaries (if they’re involved with someone avoidant). It’ ...

But Janet believed that if she held out long enough, giving him his space and plenty of time, he would learn to appreciate her. ...