Once Upon A Time In Carrotland My YouTube Autobiography Which I Definitely Wrote All Of

I gave my mother a tough time at birth, unlike Jordan. I was two years old when she became pregnant with Jordan, and she didn’t ...

(a bug). My father had no idea how much those words have haunted my life. These days I only speak German inside my own head, eve ...

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3 MY IMAGINARY CARROT FRIEND On my third birthday, something crazy happened to me that I finally feel able to share with people ...

“Josh is three today! OHHHH...OOOOOOH.” I looked down at my shoulder and saw Muncho, a little orange carrot that talked. I was c ...

“You are not paying attention!” I was frustrated. My parents were being ridiculous. “I don’t think they can see me,” Muncho said ...

Having a new friend was exciting, but I was distraught and sad no one else could see him. Muncho made me laugh and laughing alon ...

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4 PATRICIA FEATHERBOTTOM When I was six my father brought home a kitten, which I named Patricia Featherbottom. I loved that cat, ...

“She is staying on Josh’s side of the room, not yours,” Mother reassured him. “But Patricia Featherbottom doesn’t stay on Josh’s ...

had become infested with hedgehogs, and the only known solution was to seal all the doors and windows and fill the house with cr ...

Then I explained that Tom was actually the little boy on TV who tended the garden with his brother. Jordan was not interested in ...

There must have been something wrong with the way we carefully cultivated our carrots. We went over our extensive notes again, b ...

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5 MOTHER’S SWORD Caterham was our home, and we had so many exciting memories there. My father would tell us fascinating stories ...

“I know, but I couldn’t help it. I’ve found Mother’s secret hiding place!” “Where?” “It was under a floorboard, just outside the ...

Sword Boy’ for the rest of term. I liked it. It was the only thing anyone talked about until ‘Long Limbed Larry’ joined the scho ...

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6 YULETIDE One chilly winter, just before Christmas, (known more commonly as Yuletide in England), as icicles festively festoone ...

“You know Father Yuletide is Mr Bombastic from church?” Mother asked. I knew this, but for the sake of Muncho I said, “No Mother ...