Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes Are High

MASTER MY STORIES 103 But looking isn't enough. You must take an honest look at what you're doing. If you tell yourself a story ...

104 CRUCIAL CONVERSATIONS when they're feeling violated. Perhaps they suggest they're upset when they're really feeling humiliat ...

MASTER MY ST ORIES 105 For instance, what were the facts in Maria's story? She saw Louis give the whole presentation. She heard ...

106 CRUCIAL CONVERSATIONS tions that, in turn, create strong emotions. They are story, not fact. Notice how much different it is ...

MASTER MY STORIES 107 and we are good and right. Other people do bad things, and we suffer as a result. In truth, there is such ...

1 08 CRUCIAL CONVERSATIONS Stories we overemphasize the other person's guilt. We automatical­ ly assume the worst possible motiv ...

MASTER MY STORIES 109 defensive." While Villian and Victim Stories look back to explain why we're in the situation we're in, Hel ...

110 CRUCIAL CONVERSATIONS justify. 1 We sell out when we consciously act against our own sense of what's right. And after we've ...

MASTER MY STORI ES 111 came first, the story or the sellout? Did you convince yourself of the other driver's selfishness and the ...

112 CRUCIAL CONVERSATIONS You know you have information a coworker could use, but keep it to yourself. Even small sellouts like ...

MASTER MY STORIES 113 This question jars you into facing up to the fact that maybe, just maybe, you did something to help cause ...

114 CRUCIAL CONVERSATIONS to discredit you while tooting her own hom! Well, that's the story you've told yourself. But what if s ...

MASTER MY STORI ES 11 5 For example, you now find yourself insulting your coworker for not pitching in with a tough job. Your co ...

11 6 CRUCIAL CONVERSATIONS my resentment grew, [ was even less interested in broaching the subject. " Why would a reasonable, r ...

MASTER MY STORIES 117 the presentation-and realized in retrospect that he shouldn't have done this without her. He also apologiz ...

118 CRUCIAL CONVERSATIONS Wa tch fo r clever stories. Victim, Villain, and Helpless Stories sit at the top of the list. Tell the ...

7 Outspoken by whom? -DOROTHY PARKBR WHEN TOLD THAT SHE WAS WRY OUTSPOKEN STATE My Path How to Speak Persuasivel}/t Not Abrasive ...

120 CRUCIAL CONVERSATIONS and generally weave them into conversations that suit our needs. Most of the time. However, when stake ...

STATE MY PATH 121 Fearful they could easily destroy a healthy relationship, those who are good at dialogue say some of what's on ...

122 CRUCIAL CONVERSATIONS the truth. Their opinions provide a starting point but not the final word. They may currently believe ...