9781529032178

12. Working Things Out: Five Secure Principles for Dealing with Conflict CAN FIGHTING MAKE US HAPPIER? A major misconception abo ...

order Chinese or Indian. Such disagreements are actually good because they force you to live in relation to someone else and lea ...

Maintain focus on the problem at hand. Refrain from generalizing the conflict. Be willing to engage. Effectively communicate fe ...

Maintain focus on the problem at hand: George’s messy place “On one of our first dates,” Kelly recalls, “George and I stopped ...

Refrain from generalizing the conflict: The shopping trip Though both Terry and Alex, who are in their mid-fifties, have a sec ...

In all three conflicts above, whether resolved peacefully or explosively, the secure partner (or partners) remains “present” bot ...

bewildered that Rebecca is suddenly behaving so irrationally—after all, they have an understanding that he doesn’t have to go to ...

The next time you decide to skip the Sunday morning cuddle in bed for a chance to catch up on your work—think again. This small ...

PAUL AND JACKIE’S KID-SIZED PROBLEM Though Jackie and Paul have been seeing each other for over a year and spend most nights tog ...

declarations. It doesn’t occur to him to ask Jackie if it bothers her that they are separated every other weekend. Though he say ...

preoccupations can be very damaging. Try to keep a number of truths in mind when you are in the midst of a fight: A single figh ...

Withdrawing. Forgetting to focus on the other’s well-being. Paul and Jackie’s conflict is really intimacy-centered and not of ...

Marcus’s reaction is: Secure Insecure Insecure tactics Marcus used: Secure tactics Marcus could use: Answer: Insecure. Marcus ...

Insecure tactics Daria used: Secure tactics Daria could use: Answer: Insecure. What’s the matter with Daria? He’s going on a sin ...

Secure Insecure Insecure tactics John used: Secure tactics John could use: Answer: Secure. Secure people aren’t saints! They c ...

know,” she says half jokingly. After an awkward silence, Steve replies, “Well, call me later if you want to go,” and hangs up. S ...

Answer: Steve—Insecure. Steve tries to avert a confrontation or an intimate conversation and withdraws instead of engaging. He d ...

Secure tactics Todd could use: Emma’s reaction is: Secure Insecure Insecure tactics Emma used: Secure tactics Emma could use: ...

Secure tactics Todd could use: The secure approach would have been to show concern for Emma’s well-being by saying that he reali ...

Answer: Secure. Shannon avoids many insecure hazards. She refrains from generalizing the conflict. She doesn’t react defensively ...