Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes Are High

STATE MY PATH 123 "I can't believe you're doing this to me," she says in a painful tone. "Doing what?" Bob asks-not knowing what ...

124 CRUCIAL CONVERSATIONS stay in dialogue. That holds true for anybody with any crucial conversation (i.e., It feels like you m ...

STATE MY PATH 125 example, Carole found the credit card invoice. That's a fact. She then told a story-Bob's having an affair. Ne ...

126 CRUCIAL CONVERSATIONS that we say things in extremely ineffective ways. Then, when we get bad results (and we are going to g ...

STATE MY PATH 127 able, rational, and decent person could end up with the story we're carrying. That's all. When we start with s ...

128 CRUCIAL CONVERSATIONS your facts. This way, when you do talk about what you're start­ ing to conclude, they'll understand wh ...

STATE MY PATH 129 simply mention the facts, the other person may not understand the severity of the implications. For example: " ...

130 CRUCIAL CONVERSATIONS "I can't believe this! This teacher is straight out of college, and she wants to hold Debbie back. To ...

STATE MY PATH 131 Be careful not to apologize for your views. Remember, the goal of Contrasting is not to water down your messag ...

132 CRUCIAL CONVERSATIONS unaware ... " suggests that you're not absolutely certain. "In my opinion ... " says you're sharing an ...

STATE MY PATH 133 to be clinically uncertain. Use language that says you're sharing an opinion, not language that says you're a ...

134 CRUCIAL CONVERSATIONS fncourage Testing When you ask others to share their paths, how you phrase your invitation makes a big ...

STATE MY PATH 135 Or: "I know there are at least two sides to this story. Could we hear differing views now? What problems could ...

136 CRUCIAL CONVERSATIONS CAROLE: It's a motel down the street. You know that's how my sister found out that Phil was having an ...

STATE MY PATH 137 point of view. It's the kind of thing you do all the time. You do it at home, you do it at work, and yes, you' ...

138 CRUCIAL CONVERSATIONS Of course, others aren't exactly villains in this story. They sim­ ply don't know any better. We, on t ...

STATE MY PATH 139 yourself. Are you leaning forward? Are you speaking more loudly? Are you starting to try to win? Are you speak ...

140 CRUCIAL CONVERSATIONS Catch yourself. So what's a person to do? Catch yourself before you launch into a monologue. Realize t ...

8 One of the best ways to persuade others is with your ears-by listening to them. -DEAN RUSK Explore Others' Paths How to Listen ...

142 CRUCIAL CONVERSATIONS The answer is a resounding "It depends." If you want to let a sleeping dog lie (or, in this case, a po ...